Unsolicited Advice
Very few people ask for my advice. They’re really missing out. All of that is about to change.
I know you meant to say...
A nickel saved…is some sort of metal poisoning waiting to happen…
MommyCoinPurse for those of you counting…it’s day 13. still no coin…
MommyCoinPurse human piggy bank update: 2nd xray shows the coin about a half inch further than it was last time (10 days ago!) hard to tell where that is exactly though. best guess is that it is in her large intestine and hopefully will pass soon. definitely one coin and definitely the size of a quarter. my money is on it being a chuck e cheese coin…we shall see, I guess
I know you meant to say: I installed this parking garage “green light = available spot” system just to fuck with you.
Wax On, F Off
What you said: “No pain. You don’t worry.”
I know you meant to say: “Lady, I’m violently yanking hair from your vagina using hot wax and cloth. They pluck chickens more gently. Let this pain motivate you to find a husband or move to France.”
Kids are adorable!
What I said: “Yes, I’d love to hear the story you just wrote.”
I know I meant to say: “I’m only paying attention to you because it’s socially unacceptable to ignore 4 year olds.”
Me? Mad??
What you said: “Why would I be mad?”
I know you meant to say: “I am mad. It’s something YOU did. This question isn’t hypothetical. I’m going to be passive aggressive until you figure it out.”
Keeping tabs
What you said: “I wanted to wait for you to order.”
I know you meant to say: “So…drinks on you, right?”
Because the sidewalk is the smoking section in LA…
What I said: “Cough Cough. Cough Cough Cough Cough. Cough. Cough.”
I know I meant to say: “Blow your smoke away from the runner. AWAY!”
